Let me first get this off my chest – the ‘distance’ bit in the blog title is not meant to be synonymous with other ‘parent in waiting’ metaphors that now make me weep into my skinny lattes. There will be no journey, road, path or mountains here. Never mind the distance is a line from a beautiful piece of poetry my Mum wrote for me about being my mum. And motherhood without bad metaphors shall be the theme here.
Here’s some stuff about me that should be relevant in trying to piece this
journey story together:
- I am happily single. Yep, it can happen.
- I am happily single and trying to become a mum. I use the word ‘solo’ though, where I can. Let’s face it – it sounds A LOT better when chatting over poached eggs at brunch locations on the red maps.
- I tried to get pregnant using a donor through a clinic, after 18 months of planning, researching, saving, banging my head up against a (small) wall of arseholes who were denouncing my choice, but really just beating the defensive devil inside.
- It didn’t work. Either time.
- Teetering too close to the edge of my sanity (“She chose down?!”), I decided that my
pathapproach was shit. I was injecting hormones, obsessing about the lifespan of frozen sperm in the uterus* and dishing over thousands of dollars to the money whoresIVF clinic that had happily labelled me ‘medically infertile’ so they could up the hormones and get cracking on egg extraction for only a few extra thousand dollars (but with no free steak knives). My mental health was fragile, courtesy of a genetic flaw that can leave it all up for grabs unless I am taking the pill designed to prevent women from getting pregnant. Complicated.
- I decided that getting pregnant the really hard way was not the goal. The goal was, and is, to be a parent.
- I decided to make a new, less shit plan.
I have decided to adopt from foster care.
Let’s start, shall we?
* Frozen sperm lives for around 8 hours when placed directly in the uterus, which is exactly where it goes with an IUI procedure. I highly recommend dropping this into conversation in public places, preferably when people are eating. I have. Many times.